26 noiembrie 2012

Caught in between

     There's something wrong with my heart. It used to be that I would follow and pursue a certain feeling that is only properly felt with it. It's pretty hard to describe it in simple words, but they are what help us send out our message to others. It used to be that whenever I'd have this feeling in my heart, I would suddenly be reminded that I'm alive and that life's something amazing. No matter what thoughts I had at that moment, they would bring me both joy and sorrow, a mixed emotion deriving from them and coming straight from my heart, as if all the vibrations of the world would surge through me like some kind of energy, boundless energy.
     I used to have this feeling catch me unprepared and off guard often times as a kid. Whether it came from watching a great movie that would turn up to have a sad ending or simply listening to some music and a specific tune would come up and simply reach into that hidden place within the heart, creating water into my eyes and an incredible amount of emotions to go with the package, so that I would just bask in them. But that's just naming a couple of the things that gave me that feeling. Because..
     There's something wrong with my heart. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm not old either. My mind thinks I'm timeless, while my body makes me think otherwise. My heart is filled with silence. I'm usually thinking it means there's something wrong with it. But am I really listening to it?
     Nowadays, everybody seems to be showing the signs of silence within their hearts, one way or another. I see people using their great minds to conquer and enjoy life but only with their minds. People who listen to their bodies' needs and desires, who would do anything for a fuck or a burger. The only time they stop to think about their heart is when there's something wrong with it. And yet, it seems to me that no one can understand the heart through thinking. It just feels like the heart is always left out from our lives, like irony's playing one hell of a trick against us, since you actually need a heart to be alive. More and more each day, though, our minds are constantly finding ways to cut the heart out of all of us, creating technologies that can replace it with battery-operated machinery or by making everyone stay indoors and communicate through wires, making us feel like wooden dolls that need them to become alive and relate with each other.
     There's something wrong with my heart. But words just twist and bend my message, like sunglasses do with the light that hits your face. My words say that my heart has something wrong with it, but it's not what you most likely first thought about. As each day passes, more and more I let my heart get caught in between my mind and my body. It's because of that feeling, which is felt both emotionally and physically at the same time. Makes you feel like you're yourself caught in between reason and animal instinct. But this means that you're experiencing something from a point of view that's not of the mind, nor of the body. So now comes the last and most important question:

     If I can feel something and simply let it hit me like a wave and carry me away with it, but not through my mind and neither through my body, then aren't we wrong to consider that life is just what our minds and bodies say it is?
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